Severus, Please
by Juxtaposed Soul
Summary: In a moment, Harry forgot what those words meant. But Severus didn't, Severus couldn't. Snarry, One shot.


Severus Snape had always had a way of completely and thoroughly frustrating one Harry Potter. Time had done nothing to change that, winning a war together had done nothing to change that. No these things had just changed the nature of this frustration. For so long it had being a burning angry, hate filled frustration, a frustration that made Harry want to rip his hair out, or preferably Severus'.

But now war had come and gone, they had come to an understanding, and with time a relationship and the way that Severus now frustrated Harry was very different. It was a pleasurable frustration that left him hanging on the elder man's every ministration.

It was the weekend, neither had any lessons to teach, so they had decided to spend the day together, holed up together in Severus's chambers. For a while they had just sat there, Severus' long nose buried in his latest potion's journal whereas Harry had had his nose buried in an equally engrossing paper on the latest Quidditch news.

But it had quickly got warmer in the room, it had started simply enough, Severus' tracing small circles on Harry's upper thigh, a smirk hidden behind his book. Harry had pushed it away absent minded. It only came back though, those circles tracing higher and higher, entirely too close to the younger man's crotch for it to be comfortable.

With a sigh Harry placed his book on the table, glaring with no venom at his professor-turned-lover.

"I thought _I_ was meant to be the one driven by hormones Severus." His arms were crossed across his chest when his boyfriend looked up from his book. His face was expressionless, only a light in his dark eyes showed his true emotions.

"And you continue to prove yourself right, love." And with a smirk he didn't bother to hide he returned back to his book.

Of course that wasn't the end of it, oh no, it was just the start.

Before long Severus had completely abandoned his potions book in favour of having some fun with his young lover. He hovered over the younger man, his features uncharacteristically open, a smirk just short of a smile playing on his lips.

Severus never thought he'd love anyone, not romantically at any rate, especially not a Potter. But he wouldn't change it. Not for anyone. His nose came down to his lover's neck, tracing along the curve, below him Harry's breath hitched, his hips bucking just slightly. When thin lips attached to _that_ spot on his neck, sucking, maybe biting a little, teasing, he let out an appreciative moan. Again his hips bucking up to find some kind of friction with his lover.

He was definitely proving his earlier comment true, Harry realised, but he didn't care, this was too good to worry about how desperate or sad he seemed. Hands came down though, pushing them hips back down to the couch with a chuckle.

"Patience Potter." At this Harry glared at his older, experienced lover.

"Must you call me Potter when we're like this? I feel like you're thinking of my father or something." A shudder went through Severus at the very idea.

"God forbid, Harry. You could just say no if you don't want to, you don't need to traumatise me in the process." Harry laughed out loud before dragging the dark head down to meet his lips. Severus could go screw his 'patience' right now. Or better still Severus could screw _him_.

Still Severus showed that damning restraint. He led and controlled their ministrations until his lover was a bumbling mess beneath him. Just how Severus liked it.

Unnfortunately Harry was reaching the limit of his patience. He tried once again to buck his hips up, find that lovely, lovely friction. And once again he was denied. He let out a growl that was almost feral. He looked up at his smirking lover, a pleading desperate look in his eyes.

"Severus, please!" And just like that the smirk disappeared. The light disappeared.

Those two words had haunted Severus for five years now. He heard them in his sleep before he'd wake sobbing. He'd hear them words then the speaker falling, falling, falling, down from the astronomy tower to fall from the bottom.

One of five people he had ever cared for, loved, and he had killed him. He didn't deserve anything good that he had, he deserved no mercy. What he had done made him a bigger monster than even Voldemort. He remembered that day so vividly, walking in on his Godson facing his headmaster. His wand pointed in front of him, his eyes scrunched and desperate and horrified. His wand arm, the same mark Severus knew held his Dark Mark shook terribly.

And then he had noticed the other, his godfather and his aunt. Severus had sent him a look that told him not to do it, that it would be okay. He wasn't sure how but he had to give some kind of reassurance. But Bella had a lethal, excited look in her eyes. Her voice high and feral urged on her Nephew.

And then the man in the firing line. Despite he being in danger he looked steadily at one of his young charges. He offered him a way out, offered him protection, promised things he couldn't really. Told Draco he didn't have to. And the blonde hair boy had cried as he insisted that he did, he did have to. Yet despite his words his wand arm lowered, sobs overtaking the usually proud boy. He looked away, fear clearly filling his eyes as Bella let out a feral scream.

"What are you waiting for? Do it Draco, do it!" But he couldn't. And then that voice had come again, Albus, the ever present twinkle gone from his eyes, instead acceptance rested there.

"Severus, please." They were softly spoken, cutting right through Severus. His mentor, the closest he had known to a true father stood there, ready for what lay ahead, stood waiting for his death. But Severus couldn't, he couldn't kill him, not Albus. No! But he looked at Draco, broken, young, a burden on his shoulder that he should never have had to carry, and so Severus raised his wand. His arm did not shake, did not waver, he met Albus's eyes as he spoke, as he said those dreaded words. And though he looked sure and steady and heartless a part of him quite vital died right with Albus. It all died with two more words.

"Avada Kedavra."

Harry quickly realised he had effectively killed the mood, his lover going stiff and emotionless above him. Deep dark emotions flooded through his eyes, those windows that very few could read. Harry tried desperately to pull Severus back from where he had gone. But he was lost. And when he spoke the words at the end, he cried with his lover as he understood just exactly where his lover had gone. He held him tightly, providing what comfort he could.

The war still haunted them all, but it must be terrible for Severus. He had not just seen terrible things, but he had to do terrible things as well, to save himself, to save the wizarding world, because of a mistake he made whilst still a child.

Severus was a good man at heart and though Severus rarely showed it Harry knew that the things he had done weighed heavily on his conscience. It always broke his heart when he saw signs of the torment though.

Too many nights Harry had been woken up by the damp of his lover's tears. Harry decided that he should take Severus to go see Albus' portrait. He had ran out of ideas on how to help his broken love.

Slowly but surely Severus returned to the here and now. His awareness slowly returning, first the chill of the wind blowing into the tower was replaced by warmth, the warmth of Harry hold him as tightly as he could. Then he felt the feeling of Harry's hand carding through his hair, the horror struck silence was replaced by murmurings that were trying to bring comfort. Then finally the dark colours of the astronomy tower and great expanse of the night sky was replaced by earth toned furniture and a mop of black hair.

Here was Harry, his Harry. A shudder ripped though his body, followed almost instantly by a sob. And he was clinging with a desperation that he rarely showed to the body wrapped around him. And they both sobbed, for both the same reasons and completely different reasons. A mixture of guilt and sorrow and self-hate pouring out in rivulets, leaking from their eyes, soaking into their partner's robes.

And then all that was left was empty husks, empty husks of nothing, no emotion. Not for a few minutes anyway. They had been purged, freed from the burden for a few precious minutes. But then it returned, dark and horrible yet somehow just a little bit easier to manage. Though all the desperation had fled, to hide away for a little bit, they still clung to each other, a comfort that can only come from the presence of others. A comfort that surrounds the soul and makes everything seem okay for a while.

"Sev, I think you should go see him." Severus looked up at Harry, confusion in his red eyes, his body heavy and weak. And then understanding dawned, his head shook, and his eyes watered and a whisper left his lips.

"No, Harry, I can't." Harry continued stroking his hand through Severus' dark hair and sighed.

"I know it's not the same, not by a long shot, but I felt guilty over Sirius' death. I didn't truly forgive myself until I spoke to him through the Resurrection Stone. He loved you Sev, he won't want you to blame yourself, he knew what he was doing when he said those words. He, he was dying because of the curse anyway. Please, Sev, trust me. Come with me."

Not giving his lover time to think about it, Harry scrambled to get up before holding out a gentle hand. Fear and guilt danced in his very posture, however he took the proffered hand and followed Harry, up, up, up to the Headmistress' office.

The last time he had being here he was clearing his belongings after his farce term as headmaster. He had refused too return since, he would only meet Minerva in his own quarters or the staff room. Never in the office. But here he was standing in front of the intimidating Gargoyles.

They were judging him, he knew it.

Harry spoke the password. 'Sugar Mice'. Minerva had kept her predecessors tradition in memorial of him. Severus gave a sharp tug on Harry's hand.

"I can't do this!" But Harry said nothing, he just squeezed Severus' hand tighter, and pulled him on to the revolving staircase behind him.

He knew there was no escaping now. He would have to face Albus.

Severus' blanked out. Missed Harry asking Minerva if the pair of them could have a private audience with Albus' portrait. Missed Minerva agreeing and exciting, only vaguely aware of Minerva placing a comforting hand on his arm.

No he only became aware again when he heard that voice, that voice he hadn't heard in five years. And it was saying those words again.

"Severus, please." And he was as powerless now to meet that gaze as he was then. He looked up to bright blue eyes, his face sombre but that twinkle back now. Only two words came to Severus' mind.

"I'm sorry." He wiped at the tears pooling once again, a thousand emotions swimming in his eyes.

"Oh, Severus. It is I who should apologize. I thought you would cope with it better than Draco. I'm sorry for making you do that. But please, My Boy, don't let this weigh on your soul. I was dead long before you killed me. I was dead when I foolishly put on a cursed ring. Now why haven't you come to visit me before now." Severus watched as his gaze flickered to the other person in the room, "Either of you?"

Harry looked sheepishly up at his old headmaster.

"I think we were both avoiding the past, Sir." The painting shook his oil head with a kind smile and that much missed twinkle in his eye.

"And leave me with only Minerva for company? Now tell me what I've missed. I noticed you two holding hands my boys."

For the first time in this meeting a smile graced Severus' lips. It would take him a while to truly forgive himself but knowing that Albus didn't blame or hate him was a burden off his shoulders.

"Oh, he's still an insufferable Brat." The term once harsh and condescending was now a term of endearment. Mainly when his lover was doing something stupidly exasperating.

"Sev, loves me really. He's just a snarky git." They shared a smile.

Yes, the past would haunt for a long time, but they had each other, and for now that was more than enough.


End file.
